Psychotherapist Q, MA, FCSFBTP  Aygul Tatlici

There is something I want you to hear today, especially if you have been telling yourself that you should be more motivated.

Maybe there is something you genuinely want to accomplish.

You want to finish the degree.

Start the business.

Write the book.

Apply for the job.

Exercise more consistently.

Have the conversation you have been avoiding.

Take better care of yourself.

Or simply get through the things that have been sitting on your to-do list for far too long.

And yet, somehow, when it is time to begin, you don’t feel like it.

You wait.

You tell yourself, “I’ll do it when I feel more motivated.”

And sometimes you wait long enough that the waiting itself becomes painful.

Then another thought may arrive:

“Maybe I’m lazy.”

“Maybe I’m not disciplined enough.”

“Why can everyone else seem to do this?”

There may be nothing wrong with you.

You may simply have been asking motivation to do a job it was never designed to do.

Motivation can be helpful.

But motivation is a surprisingly unreliable manager.

It changes with sleep, stress, mood, uncertainty, workload, environment, and the stage of the goal you are pursuing. Research on goal pursuit suggests that motivation itself changes depending on where we are in the journey and what we are attending to (Koo & Fishbach, 2012).

So maybe the question isn’t:

“How can I make myself feel motivated?”

Maybe a more useful question is:

“How can I make the next meaningful step easier to take—even if motivation isn’t here yet?”

And that is where something beautiful happens.

You stop fighting yourself.

You begin working with yourself.

If you have been procrastinating, what has that experience actually been like for you?

Perhaps there has been anxiety.

Perhaps perfectionism.

Perhaps boredom.

Perhaps fear of failure.

Perhaps fear of being judged.

Perhaps you are overwhelmed by how much there is to do.

Perhaps the task has become connected to a much larger question:

“What if I can’t do this?”

Or even:

“What will this say about me if I fail?”

Procrastination is often more complicated than poor time management. From an ACT perspective, difficult thoughts, emotions, urges, and bodily sensations can become connected to avoidance. Avoiding the task may provide immediate relief, even when it creates greater difficulty later (Hayes et al., 2012; Wang et al., 2017).

So instead of asking you to criticize yourself, I would rather ask you something more compassionate:

What are you hoping will become different by getting this task done?

Notice the difference.

We are not beginning with:

“Why am I like this?”

We are beginning with:

“What do I want instead?

If we were sitting together and you told me, “I need more motivation,” I might become curious about what “more motivation” would actually make possible for you.

What are your best hopes from becoming more consistent?

What would you like your effort to give you?

Maybe confidence.

Maybe freedom.

Maybe financial security.

Maybe peace.

Maybe the feeling that you can trust yourself again.

Maybe you want to wake up knowing that you are moving towards this preferred version of you.

And if that were happening, what would you notice first?

Would you get out of bed a little differently?

Would you speak to yourself more kindly?

Would someone close to you notice that you seem more present?

These questions turn a vague goal into something you can recognize.

Solution-focused practice places considerable emphasis on helping people describe a preferred future in concrete, observable terms rather than remaining trapped in the problem (Walker et al., 2021).

You don’t have to imagine becoming a completely different person.

You only need to become curious about how you would know that things were beginning to move in the direction you want.

One of the most important findings in goal-pursuit research is that motivation does not remain constant throughout a project.

Koo and Fishbach (2012) described the small-area hypothesis, suggesting that people tend to be more motivated when their attention is directed toward the smaller portion of the goal.

Early in a project, the amount completed is small.

So noticing what you have already accomplished can be motivating.

Later, when the remaining amount becomes small, noticing what is left can become more motivating.

But there is a difficult middle.

You have already done a lot.

But there is still a lot left.

You aren’t at the beginning anymore, but you aren’t close enough to the end to feel the excitement of completion.

And this is where you may begin asking:

“Where did my motivation go?”

Maybe it didn’t go anywhere.

Maybe you simply entered the middle.

That matters because the middle can make a capable person feel incapable.

So if you are in the middle right now, don’t automatically interpret your reduced motivation as evidence that you have failed.

Instead ask:

“What is the smallest part of this goal that I could meaningfully focus on today?”

Not the entire mountain.

Just today’s piece.

Let Your Progress Become Visible

There is something incredibly human about being able to see that our efforts are producing something.

So I want you to try this:

For the next week, keep a very simple “I did” list.

Not a list of everything you failed to accomplish.

A list of what you actually did.

Three pages written.

One email sent.

Ten minutes of studying.

One application completed.

One workout.

One conversation.

One moment when you wanted to quit but stayed with yourself.

Five minutes of focused work.

Small things count.

In fact, small things may be exactly what you need right now.

And if you’re thinking, “Five minutes isn’t enough,” I want you to notice what your mind is doing.

It is trying to turn a beginning into a finished product.

You don’t need to finish everything to prove that you are capable of beginning.

Beginning is already evidence of movement.

What If You Stopped Waiting to Feel Ready?

This is where ACT offers us another compassionate possibility.

You don’t have to eliminate anxiety before acting.

You don’t have to eliminate boredom.

You don’t have to eliminate uncertainty.

You don’t even have to eliminate the thought:

“I don’t want to do this.”

You can take the thought with you.

You can take the feeling with you.

You can take the discomfort with you.

ACT describes psychological flexibility as the capacity to remain open to internal experiences while continuing to move toward what matters (Hayes et al., 2012). Research on ACT and procrastination has also identified promising roles for mindfulness, values, acceptance, and committed action, although the research base continues to develop (Lee et al., 2025).

So perhaps instead of saying:

“I need to feel motivated before I begin,”

you can gently experiment with:

“I can begin while motivation catches up.”

That is a very different relationship with yourself.

Notice the Story Your Mind Is Telling You

Sometimes procrastination becomes more painful when it turns into an identity.

You don’t simply say:

“I procrastinated today.”

You begin saying:

“I’m a procrastinator.”

Then:

“I’m lazy.”

“I’m undisciplined.”

“I never finish anything.”

And eventually the behavior becomes a story about who you are.

ACT gives us another possibility through cognitive defusion.

Instead of:

“I’m going to fail.”

Try:

“I’m having the thought that I’m going to fail.”

Instead of:

“I’m lazy.”

Try:

“I’m noticing the story that I’m lazy.”

Instead of:

“I’m a procrastinator.”

Try:

“I’m noticing that procrastination is happening right now.”

You don’t have to argue with the thought.

You don’t have to prove it wrong.

You simply create a little space between you and what your mind is saying.

And sometimes a little space is enough to give you a choice to respond to it differently and start taking action.

You Are Bigger Than Today’s Struggle

I especially want you to remember this if procrastination has become part of how you see yourself.

Take a moment and think about yourself five years ago.

Then one year ago.

Six months ago.

Last month.

Yesterday.

Your circumstances changed.

Your priorities changed.

Your relationships changed.

Your emotions changed.

Your worries changed.

And yet, somehow, there has been a continuity of you moving through all of those experiences.

This is closely related to the ACT process of self-as-context—the distinction between the observing perspective and the changing thoughts, feelings, sensations, and stories that we experience (Hayes et al., 2012).

You can notice anxiety.

Therefore, anxiety is something you experience.

You can notice the thought “I’m failing.”

Therefore, that thought is something you experience.

You can notice the urge to avoid.

Therefore, the urge is something you experience.

And if you can notice all of these experiences, perhaps you are not required to make any one of them your identity.

So I would invite you to ask yourself:

“If procrastination is something I sometimes do rather than something I am, what becomes possible?”

Don’t rush to answer.

Let yourself think about it.

Meet Your Future Self

There is another reason long-term goals can be difficult.

The person who benefits from today’s effort is you—but future-you can sometimes feel surprisingly distant.

Research by Hal Hershfield and colleagues found that people can experience their future selves as psychologically distant, almost like another person. Interventions designed to increase connection with the future self have been shown to influence long-term decision-making (Hershfield et al., 2011).

So instead of imagining a vague future:

“One day I’ll be successful.”

Try something more personal.

Imagine an ordinary Tuesday in your future.

Not the celebration.

Not the award.

Not the perfect Instagram photograph.

Just Tuesday.

Where do you wake up?

What does your morning feel like?

What kind of work are you doing?

What do you no longer worry about?

What are you able to do more easily?

How do you speak to yourself?

And perhaps most importantly:

What would that future version of you want you to know about today?

A vivid preferred future can help make an abstract goal more concrete. Research on episodic simulation also shows important overlap between processes involved in remembering personal experiences and imagining possible future experiences (Schacter & Madore, 2016).

So don’t only imagine the achievement.

Imagine the life that the achievement is helping you build.

When you are stuck, your mind may automatically ask:

“Why can’t I do this?”

Try giving yourself another question.

“What would I like to be different?”

Then:

“What would tell me that I am moving in that direction?”

Then:

“What have I already done that tells me I am capable of taking steps?”

“What is one small action that would fit with the person I want to be today?”

Notice that none of these questions demands perfection.

They invite curiosity.

They invite possibility.

They invite you to become an observer of your own capacity rather than a prosecutor of your own failures.

That shift matters.

What Matters Beneath the Task?

Sometimes the task itself is not motivating because the task isn’t actually what matters.

Studying may represent growth.

Applying for a job may represent independence.

Having a difficult conversation may represent honesty and connection.

Exercising may represent caring for your body.

Finishing a project may represent becoming someone who follows through.

ACT calls this values-guided action.

Values are not destinations that you finally reach.

They are directions.

You don’t “finish” being caring.

You don’t “complete” being courageous.

You practice them.

So instead of asking:

“How do I become more productive?”

Try asking:

“Who do I want to be while I am doing difficult things?”

That question can change the entire experience

Make the Next Step Almost Ridiculously Small

Now let’s make this practical.

If your goal is:

“Finish the report,”

your next step might be:

“Open the document.”

If your goal is:

“Write the paper,”

your next step might be:

“Write three sentences.”

If your goal is:

“Find a new career,”

your next step might be:

“Spend ten minutes researching one possibility.”

If your goal is:

“Clean the house,”

your next step might be:

“Put five things away.”

If your goal is:

“Get healthier,”

your next step might be:

“Take a ten-minute walk.”

And if even that feels too large?

Make it smaller.

There is no prize for making the first step unnecessarily difficult.

SFBT’s emphasis on small, meaningful movement fits beautifully here: rather than demanding a complete transformation, we can become curious about the smallest useful movement toward a preferred future (Walker et al., 2021).

The 30-Second Willingness Practice

When you notice yourself avoiding something important, pause.

Don’t criticize yourself.

Don’t immediately reach for your phone.

Just notice.

Ask:

“What am I experiencing right now?”

Perhaps anxiety.

Perhaps boredom.

Perhaps tension.

Perhaps uncertainty.

Perhaps the thought:

“I don’t want to do this.”

Then gently say:

“This is uncomfortable, and I can allow it to be here.”

Take one breath.

You don’t need to make the feeling disappear.

Then ask:

“Can I carry this feeling with me while taking one small step?”

That is willingness.

Not:

“I love this.”

Not:

“I’m completely comfortable.”

Simply:

“I can make room for this and still choose what matters.”

A Small Conversation With Yourself

Before you begin tomorrow, try this:

What are my best hopes for today?

If today goes a little better than yesterday, what will I notice?

What would I be doing differently?

What would I be saying to myself?

What part of me already knows how to take a first step?

What is one small action that would move me toward what matters?

And when you finish that action, pause.

Let yourself notice it.

Don’t immediately move the goalpost.

Don’t say:

“Yes, but I should have done more.”

Let yourself register:

“I did something that mattered.”

Your mind may be very practiced at noticing what is missing.

You can also practice noticing what is present.

You Don’t Need to Become a Different Person

Perhaps the most important thing I want to leave with you is this:

You don’t need to become a completely different person before you can succeed.

You don’t need to wake up tomorrow suddenly disciplined.

You don’t need to become someone who never procrastinates.

You don’t need to eliminate anxiety.

You don’t need to feel confident every morning.

You don’t need perfect motivation.

You need a next step.

And then another.

And sometimes you will take three steps forward and one step backward.

That doesn’t erase the three.

If you have been struggling for a long time, please don’t use that struggle as evidence against yourself.

Look at the fact that you are still here.

Still thinking about your future.

Still wanting something.

Still searching for a better way.

There is something important in that.

Your desire to move forward is itself information.

So let me ask you one final solution-focused question:

Suppose things began moving in the direction you want—not perfectly, but meaningfully. What would be the first small sign that you would notice?

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